i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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