I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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