If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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