i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
