The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize