New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
