I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
