my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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