If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
