You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
two words: eviction party
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
