even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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