I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
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You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
