what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
