I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
