Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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