well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
