I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
