I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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