Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
