I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I want a musical about memes.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
