Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
