The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
