So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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