just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
i now understand why vodka
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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