I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
