Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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