There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
