Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
