So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
