i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
