Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
