he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
