If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
