i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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