I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
