He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
cat food counts as protein by the way
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize