i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
