Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
