i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
