Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
