i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
