Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
