sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
