I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize