Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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