Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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