Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
