i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
