i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
