If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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