It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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