The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
