Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
