Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
