honey bunches of taint.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize