I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
