Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
