Barsexuality is the new black.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm always down for nudity.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
