He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
we should paint friendship bongs
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