there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
