dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
