i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize