cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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