Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize