Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
