i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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