My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
my liver is dry heaving
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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