I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
