By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i believe in u and ur pee
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dear god my vagina.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
