she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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