you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize