We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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