At least make sure they are 18
Why
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
