Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize