So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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