My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
