The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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