Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
