Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
