Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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