oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
