just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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