i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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