dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
