So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
