Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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