Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
