***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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