I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
