I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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