If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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