I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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