I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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