just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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